Some tips to maintain a balanced relationship
If you think you’ve got an unbalanced relationship going on, it’s okay. Here are a few ways to correct it:
- Take stock of the relationship: First of all, is it worth pursuing the relationship further? Maybe the reason the relationship is unbalanced is because you two have simply grown apart. That’s totally normal. But before you invest time and effort, make sure the relationship is worth working on and doesn’t feel forced.
- Be honest: If you want things to change, you have to talk to the other person about how you’re feeling. Yeah, it’s going to be a little awkward but you have to be totally open and allow the other person to do the same. Hiding your feelings only allows for resentment to grow and will make the relationship crumble.
- Be clear and specific: Don’t just say, “You don’t care about our friendship.” That’s a big statement and doesn’t help bring about change. Offer examples of why you feel this way instead. Like this: “It makes me feel like you don’t care about our friendship when we don’t hang out unless I text or call you first. I’d love it if you’d call me to set something up.” Okay, you don’t need to be that cheesy or formal, but you get the idea.
- Recognize the difference between malicious intent and miscommunication: There’s a big difference between a miscommunication and someone intentionally being hurtful. Sending dozens of text messages with no response? Hurtful and pretty rude. Upset because you’re always the one making plans? Maybe the other person doesn’t realize that you’re hurt when he/she doesn’t get in touch with you first because he/she is used to you always making the first move. The intent might be good, but there’s just a miscommunication. Figure that out before you jump to conclusions.
- Be willing to move on: Sometimes change isn’t possible. For whatever reason, that person may not be able to make the changes you need him/her to make. If this happens, think about whether the relationship is still worth it to you. If it is, accept it for what it is and don’t dwell on the things you can’t change. If not, move on and feel good about the fact that you expressed yourself (which is always intimidating).
Best-selling author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil was named by New York Magazine
as one of the city's top therapists. She prides herself on saving
couples from all types of relationship peril, even adultery, and has a
98 percent success rate for saving relationships. Her tips include:
- "Give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to your
partner," she said. "Tell them they look good, that you loved the
dinner they cooked." Who knew foreplay and wordplay went together so
well?
- "Try to go to bed at the same time every night," she said. "Even if one of you has to get up later for work."
- Ladies and gentlemen, it should come as no surprise. Sex is just as important as communication. Thank you, Dr Weil! "Make sex a priority," she said. "Schedule it in. Take turns developing a sexual adventure for your partner. Use sex as a stress buster!"
Susan Barnes is a relationship expert who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows across the country including Everyday with Rachael Ray and Playboy radio. She specializes in teaching people the art of spiritual romance. She's got this to offer couples"
- "Put your partner first," said Barnes. "Put
yourself in their shoes and try to think what it's like to be them
before making any judgments. Most importantly, trust them." So, the
next time you want to go out and party with the girls instead of
following through with your set dinner plans, try to think how you'd
feel if the tables were turned.
- According to Barnes, the language of love comes in many different forms.
"There is a fine line between being honest and being cruel. Be
honest with kindness and use soft language, don't be brutal." So the
next time you're ready to explode, take a step back and reconsider
your approach. "And every night before you go to bed, tell your
partner seven things that you are grateful for in your
relationship."
- "Become unbeatable together. Stay strong
together under any circumstance and be each other's rock. You are
each other's best friend, lover and confidant. Be loyal to one
another and don't let anyone talk bad about your partner."
- We've always heard it's important to pick your battles and Barnes definitely agrees. "Stop criticizing and complaining to your partner. If you have complaints try writing them down in a notebook and read them later. You'll be surprised how petty they really are.
Dr. Karen Sherman is a relationship psychologist specializing in premarital, on-going and married relationships and she's got this advice to offer couples:
- "Make sure you know the skills to have a healthy conflict,"
she said. "When a couple is able to do this, they can actually have
a more intimate relationship." So an argument from time to time can
actually be good for a couple. Just don't hit below the belt!
- "Never humiliate your partner publicly or
throw something back in his or her face that has been offered to you
as something private. These can be more a breach to your
relationship than an actual affair." Lesson: what happens in the
bedroom stays in the bedroom. Learn how to keep some elements of
your relationship private.
- "Do not expect your mate to fulfill all of your needs and take time to understand how your partner's needs are met through words and actions." The "you complete me" scene in Jerry Maguire may have had you sobbing like a sucker but learn how to take care of your own needs and nurture your partners – but don't live for them.
Refenrences:
http://archive.lovingyou.com/content/romance/romance101-content.php?ART=balance-relationship
http://thecollegecrush.com/5-ways-to-have-a-more-balanced-relationship/
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