Here some secrets for a happy relationship
Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.
Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your
romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that
should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship
has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.
Work on the relationship.
An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the
heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to
address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe
good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good
relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked
on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it
will often go downhill.
Spend time together.
There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you
make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other
interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s
rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not
just watching television.
Make room for “separateness.”
Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is
also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to
have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the
relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your
partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.
Make the most of your differences.
Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the
beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that
drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences.
Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for
those exact things that make the two of you different from one another.
It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a
great team.
Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.
If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you
will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time,
each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the
other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. For instance,
instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher,
try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your
partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort
themselves around the house. If you do both of these things at once
you’ve got a winning plan!
Accept that some problems can’t be solved.
There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than
expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or
to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together
without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy
relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through
compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew
over.
Communicate!
Lack of communication is the number one reason even good
relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially
when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your
partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When
he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you
can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree.
This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for
them to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you
use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding
or a solution.
Honesty is essential.
You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to
hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust
is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost
or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the
relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as
natural and every day as breathing.
Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted.
Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same
in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will
enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love
you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to
express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will
be thankful that you did.
Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won’t be
easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that
never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely
reap what you sow.
Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of
your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other
to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at
different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner
wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
Cultivate common interests
After
the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few
interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you
can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not
present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to
cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to
your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather
than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples
walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more
important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If
and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't
resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than
distrusting and begrudging.
Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If
you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find
something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always
find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy
couples accentuate the positive.
Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our
skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no
touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin
bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against
anonymity in the world.
Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning
This
is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets
out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel
This
tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or
her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and
your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
Do a "weather" check during the day
Call
your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going.
This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync
when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an
awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be
enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy
couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of
affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back
of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they
belong with each other.
References:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-10-secrets-of-happy-couples/000687
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/5-things-super-happy-couples-every-day
http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/10-habits-of-happy-couples-16246
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